Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Becoming undone, but not by myself.

Last night, when Zac got home from basketball practice, he announced he had some undone homework. By this time it was already 8:15. I'm sure I grumbled something about asking him earlier about homework and thinking he only had his nightly reading left to do.

That was when he spent too long looking through his binder, sharpening a pencil with the electric sharpener that had to be retrieved from the cabinet, emptied and plugged in before it could be used to sharpen an already sharpened pencil. You hear me...procrastination at its best.

By this time, like the homework, I was becoming undone. He looked at the homework paper and saw 21 math problems...multiplying fractions...and he just fell out. From there, it went from bad to I  demanded that he concentrate. He declared his hatred for math. I yelled. He told me to "chill because Dad says your blood pressure gets too high sometimes!" I went on about how I wouldn't have to yell if he would just do the right thing to begin with. He asked to take a little break. What? He hadn't even started.

He didn't understand the problems. 
I was impatient, and by the time I realized he really need my help, he was so out of sorts that he couldn't even grasp the first concept. We both took a tiny break...then we tried again. We broke it down into 5 problems at a time. By the time we got to the last group, he worked the problems on his own...and got them all right!


While we were in the middle of our ranting, I had said something ridiculous like, "and don't even bother apologizing after all of this is said and done...blah blah..." But later, he just said, "Mom, you know what I wanna say, right?"  I knew, of course, and I said, "I forgive you and I'm sorry too!"

Life is busy. I am selfish.  My own expectations can be my worst enemy.  Having my evening altered by something like having to help with homework, after I thought all my mom chores were finished for the night,  makes me lose my cool....melt down...fall out. Not much different from the way Zac acted when he saw 21 math problems that he did not remember how to solve.

It took me until this morning to work through all of this in my mind. I was driving Zac to school. He was calm, singing along to the song on the radio. I said, "I hope you have a great day buddy" and "I love you", like I always do, as we rounded the last corner of the car pool line. He said "be safe mommy" and he hopped out with one more "love you" as he closed the door. 

Forgiveness is great like that. We can move on. 

I'm learning...slowly...that falling out and melting down are not the best ways to accomplish anything.  I'm afraid to pray for patience, cause we all know what happens then, right?

Still working it out.

Linking up here with alphabe-Thursday! I is for me...'cause I know, I was half the problem!

And linking up here with Jennifer Dukes Lee and Tell His Story!
{My linky image cropped my head off.  I'm glad you came here anyway!}


  1. "Forgiveness is great like that. We can move on." So thankful for this!

  2. I think your son and you are lucky to understand each other so well! Sounds like you have a great relationship.

  3. I think it's ok for kids to see their parent melt down sometimes, especially when they helped make it happen. Glad you guys were able to sort through it and come out the other side. It's helpful for kids to see that, too. You know you won't be helping him with his homework much longer.

  4. It all sounds pretty normal. Glad you two are able to have the blow ups and learn to forgive and move on. That's the important part (because we're all human, even moms).

  5. That bloomin' Maths homework causes problems in homes all over the world! The exchange between you and your son the following morning was adorable, I'm guessing your son is not at the teenage grunting stage then? What a wonderful relationship you both have - enjoy!
    Wren x

  6. Jen, Thanks for visiting my blog! I so appreciate your story, too. It's so encouraging to know I'm not alone in things like forgetting to give thanks or losing patience when I thought I had crossed the mama finish line for the day. This life is a journey...God our faithful companion who loves us even when we forget, fail. Keep on keepin' on. Blessings, Becky

  7. Great lesson. We all forget to forgive ourselves sometimes.

  8. Love the post – great illustration!

  9. Sounds like you and your son know each other so well! I love the post and your words about the Lord! Have a blessed New Year!

  10. I've always embraced procrastination....I get a lot done when avoiding what I'm not sure of how to attack a project/problem....and most of the time I'm mulling around in my head how to attack it. Just recognizing that whole process can be a stress reliever. Enjoyed reading about your slice of life♪

  11. I am impressed with the honesty of your post...

    Sometimes it takes a little push for us to remember what we are really grateful for!

    Inspiring post for the letter "I"!

    Thanks for linking.