Wednesday, September 15, 2010

A word about friendships.

Friends...the family that you choose!
Choices that make a difference in how you see yourself and what you do in the world around you!
 Image taken from Em's facebook page.
I remember growing up and having lots of friends.
Neighborhood friends, church friends, school friends, camp friends, cheerleading friends, and boyfriends.
Only a few made it to the highly regarded place known as best friends.
I didn't realize at the time that those best friends were so important to the person I would become.....that I needed to be very careful about who I allowed to take on that ranking.

I remember those people ....girls mostly...that I desperately wanted to have as friends. You know the ones.
I learned very quickly (after a bit of heartache, of course) that those friendships were going to be too hard to keep up...too high maintenance.
The friends that were easy....Andrea, Jeanne, Angie, Mary Beth, and Kristie....believed the best in me. The friend, not so easy, but worth the extra effort....Michelle... really cared about me, but I was jealous of her and that was my fault!

I'm starting to see it happen with my daughter. She is making choices about her friends, letting some of them go, because they are too hard to keep up... and adding a few that have the same interests and goals.
Her friends are falling into place. There are neighborhood friends, school friends, volleyball friends, boyfiends....and best friends! I know that they are becoming her focus and what she uses to measure what is worthy and what is important and what is acceptable.
I am hopeful....because that is my nature....that she is the friend that her friends need as their model, just as I am hopeful that her friends will be strong enough to care for her through these very special and impressionable years.

Oh, don't you worry about me letting go so quickly. I am so gonna try my darndest to stay right in the game, but I know that my time to be her friend will be of her choosing....I am okay with that, I think!
She is amazing and a treasure...and I will always be happy to be her Mom.
Plus.....I know the day will come...when I will be one of her very best friends!

Trying to keep it together over here!


  1. Awesome well said!!! What a ride!!!

  2. Awww, so true Jen. Sweet post!

  3. A girl does need her friends! Sounds like Emily is making good choices in the friends department. I'm not sure at her age I truly appreciated my friendships...I really wish I had.
    I'm sure one day you and your daughter will be the best of friends.

  4. LOVE this post! We are still in the younger stage here, but BB has been having her taste of jealousy recently with ballet. It is not pretty. I hope we can figure out a better way to work through it.

    I feel like I only have a few months left before BB turns to her friends over me. I just saw it happen to one of her best friends who is a year older. Over night it seemed like she went from a little girl to a moody tween who wanted nothing to do with her mother (or BB). I am afraid of that day coming. :(

  5. Right on. I have always told my son to make friends he is still going to want to have in 25 years! I think he got the message. His friends now seem to have much in common with him.

  6. So so true. Isn't it comforting when they make good choices in friends? I wish I had made some better choices when I was their age! I like the tip above...that they are people you want to be friends with in 25 years. Even as an adult, I'm finding myself letting some go..and it's ok....

  7. So well said! Absolutely positively every word of it!

  8. Great post, Jen! I was just thinking about the mother-teen daughter relationship after watching last night's episode of Parenthood on NBC. I told Bret to watch out because there will come a day when GG and I are at complete odds, the time that most mothers and daughters experience but later move past only to become best of friends. Relationships are hard, and I hope that GG makes wise choices about her friends and the company she keeps. Though there is bound to be some heartache, I hope it only strengthens her and gives her greater insight for the future. Hope y'all are having a great day!

  9. Aw, Jen, this sounds like just what I needed to hear after what's started up with my own big girl ... there is hope!! I know that she has to go through what she is in order to get where your daughter is now - you must be breathing such a sigh of relief that everything is falling into place!! Thanks for your kind comments today, it helps!!

  10. Seeing this from the other side, you are right on.
    My oldest daughter and I are to the friend stage now--five months married and on her own. Great perspective, my friend.

  11. That was so perfectly said!! It's not always easy being a young teenage girl but it always helps having those best friends there with you!

    My mom is definitely my best friend! :)

  12. What a great post and so true.

  13. We are living mirror lives right now. So many of the same worries. Knowing the friends is always a great start.

  14. oh jen huge tears -lots and rolling down my cheeks onto my keyboard!

    i can't say anything else- as its too close to home- except that was one of the lovliest most wonderful thing i've ever read from another parent...

    if you were here i would be smothering you in hugs for that!!

    melissa xx

  15. Good friends that last a lifetime are special, and they certainly don't come along every day. I still keep in touch with my college roomies, and old friends from my young mommy days, but my oldest friend I've known since we were 11 = 46 years and counting! We live states apart but we're always able to just pick it up where we left off. I just love her.

  16. This is really hitting home. I'm struggling watching my 6th grade son deal with some of his friends being not so nice this week over student council. This is his first taste of it and it's so hard to watch as a mom. :( My daughter is in 3rd grade and it's so cute how their best friends change by who is in their class, etc. I find it so neat to watch, but I know the time will come when there will be hurt feelings and I'm dreading it. I like you, just pray that my kids are the kind of friend that they would like to have.